Conversation is becoming a lost art, replaced by endless talk. If permitted, we can be “talked at, talked to,
talked up, talked down” 24 hours/day. Chatter
is ubiquitous, much of it amounting to little more than the fear of silence
brought to you by a variety of mediums:
smartphones, web-sites, social media, advertisers, politicians,
entertainers, sports teams and so much more.
Our culture is defined by its noise, an endless amount trivial information,
unsolicited opinions, undeveloped thoughts and at times, shear fallacy (often
in 140 characters or less).
Conversation, on the other hand requires much more than talking; it requires
humility, transparency and especially the act of compassion, a willingness to
enter into another’s world and a willingness to alter our world based upon what
they have to say. This is somewhat foreign in a culture where
the experts or those given authority carry a much powerful voice, leaving the
rest of us to accept their words as truth or otherwise, be labeled as
oppositional, cynical or apathetic.The
consequences are everywhere: mistrust, selfishness, anxiety, fear, isolation,
power-plays, gossip, depression and so much more.
Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to sit in a room of teenagers
and their parents during a KCLYC (Kansas City Lutheran Youth Coalition)
confirmation parent/teen night. Hard/difficult conversations was the topic of
the evening. Questions arose to the
nature of those topics as well as the reasons why moms/dads and sons/daughters
had a hard time talking about it. Technology
(texting) provided a chance for both to respond with relative anonymity. An aisle physically divided parents and
children that night; however, the responses shared were pretty unified. Hopefully, those responses will help
facilitate better conversations at home and at Holy Cross.
- Both parents and teens expressed a desire to be able to talk about the hard stuff. Teens explained that they sometimes sought out friends or even went online to find answers or ways to cope. They wanted to be able to talk to their parents, but did not know how to approach the conversation, so they sought alternatives. Adults wished their kids would open up more. The one word answers parents often received from their teen, seemed to put up a fortress that would be difficult to penetrate.
- When asked about why it was hard to talk to one another, fear seemed to be woven throughout the responses. Fear of being rejected, embarrassed, not having the right answers, wrongful assumptions, all entered into the fray. Some of the fear was rooted in the unwillingness to admit that a child was becoming an adult.
- Even the topics themselves were somewhat consistent with “the talk,” growing up, sexuality, depression/anxiety, suicide, money and relationships being common responses.
Conversations are more difficult than talking to or at someone. They require work from all involved. They
require us to put aside our agendas in order to take on someone else’s concerns,
needs, questions or even pain. Yet, when
we are able to engage in those hard conversations, we discover the power they
have to transform and shape us. Good
things happen when we learn to listen to each other. There’s not a need to have
all the answers, just a willingness to move forward together.
Conversations are essential to the followers of Jesus. When he told his disciples to follow him, He
invited them into a 3 year conversation.
Some think that Jesus spoke in parables to invoke conversations. He was great at asking critical questions and
listening to people’s answers; especially, to those who did not carry much of a
voice. Often, it was those who spoke the
loudest (or all the time) that he had the most problems with, especially those
who used their power to invoke fear.
The season of Lent is fast approaching.
For hundreds of years, Christians have observed the practice of slowing
down and practicing a conversation around the Cross during the 40 days before
Easter. At Holy Cross, we’re hoping to carry
a conversation into our homes and into our lives this season. We’ve developed a weekly take home that you
can pick up after services or access online. This “Lenten Experience Weekly” is designed to help you enter into a
conversation with God and others throughout the week.
We’re also providing an opportunity for conversation and community
through Lenten Community Groups. On
Wednesday, February 25th from 5:30-7:30pm, we hope you will join us
for soup and to find out more about these groups and the Lenten conversation.
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| Scott McDonald, Dir. of Adult Discipleship & Outreach |
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